The Story Of My Life With People, Part 2
Continued from yesterday, here’s how I overcame my fears and long held beliefs and became the same person, only better...
And so my adventure started. And it was just small steps at first. I’d go to the pub, watch the football, and strike up conversations. Just to see what happened. I remember one wintry Saturday in early 2013, when this was all quite new, spending the evening in my local with a couple of English lads who were just visiting my home village for the weekend. We had a great laugh, several pints and fruitlessly chatted up some girls. It made me feel alive again.
I never set out with an objective in mind. I just wanted to get out and have a life. This meant that I had no preconceived ideas about what might happen. The was no outcome to think about, so all I focussed on was the process, getting out and meeting people. It was my first experience of #trusttheprocess, although I didn't know it at the time.
And it became a habit for me. From being a wallflower, I was now able to strike up conversations with strangers, young or old, male or female, tall or short, etc. I made connections with many people, some of whom I now see regularly, others not so often, but all people who i can now say hello to and catch up on news whenever we meet.
And I met girls. Quite a lot. Because I wasn’t concerned about what happened. I’d just go up and say hello, and see what happened. Sometimes after we’d talked, I’d get her phone number. And sometimes I’d text her (that’s what you do nowadays, I learned). And sometimes I’d get a response, and make a date and meet again. And sometimes I’d never hear from her again. And many times we’d just chat and become friends. It was great fun, however it turned out. I was making a positive difference to people, even if only in a small way for a short amount of time. And I was having the time of my life.
And it was easy. Because I was just being me. I wasn’t playing a part, having to become a different character in order to do it. There were no lines to remember or stories to make up. In some ways I wasn’t more than before, I was less. I was me, minus the fears, stresses and anxieties which would mean that I would NEVER even dream of walking up to a girl in a bar and saying hello. Or a guy, for that matter. Or a couple, or a group.
I said before, I had no outcome in mind. That's important. I was just being, living. That was my process. But with every process there is an outcome. And my process had outcomes...
I now have a broad and diverse group of friends and acquaintances in my local area, all of whom have a positive impact on my life and I hope the same applies for them. My social life is as active as I want it to be. At times it's intense, sometimes too much for my old bones, other times it's sedate. I go my own way, I don't feel peer pressure, I don't feel fear of missing out, I live in every moment and make decisions in the best interests of me and those around me. It's a great way to live, a great way to be. I feel happy.
In meeting girls over the last two and half years, I’ve had gentle let downs, brutal rejections, been friend zoned, been on first dates, second dates, and more, kissed and been kissed, had one night stands (OK, just one!) and had a couple of short lived relationships. The point is, it was way more than I’d been through in any other equivalent time period in my life. And all it took was to get out of my own way. And I continued to change as I went along. I made mistakes, and I learned from them. I got a little hurt, but recovered quickly. I told one lady I was bulletproof. Ha ha, she soon showed me I wasn't! I met wonderful people. Good experiences and bad experiences, they are all POSITIVE experiences.
I now feel comfortable in my own skin, and that is reflected in the way I come across to other people. I hear it from them frequently, so I know it’s working.
And I’ve been dating a lovely lady for the last 6 weeks or so; it’s early days and who knows where it will go, but I’m being myself, I live in the moment, relaxed and independent, authentic and consistent, alpha and beta, and we are good together...
The key elements are all things that I’ve mentioned in previous blogs on my page, and will also share more thoughts later this week:
First, live in the moment - be present, don't be lost in thought about the past or worrying about the future
Be authentic - be yourself, don’t put on a mask, rather, be consistent and congruent
Don’t be needy or dependent - be confident and independent in yourself, be your own person, and don’t rely on any outcome; what will be will be
Display both alpha and beta behaviour - there’s a time to be dominant and in charge (alpha male traits) and a time to be sensitive and vulnerable (beta male), learn how to balance those and be aware how that balance changes over the lifetime of a relationship (this can be a tough lesson, I believe, from my own experience)
Avoid being the nice guy - trying to please everyone is a lonely path; it’s neither authentic nor genuine, and will only work if the rest of the world are playing the same game…and they’re not...
Finally, believe in yourself - believe that you deserve to have the relationship that you have or wish for
Oh, there’s so much more to go through and discuss but I know this is a long blog, so I’m going to close it here.
This is simply a tale of the transformational power of change, how I experienced it for myself and want to share it with you, in the hope of inspiring you to be the best that you can be.
If you enjoyed reading it, please like and share so more people can get to read it. That’s all.